An honest analysis of getting old

I’ve been at it for a year and a half now --- watching, reading, discussion with experts, and even exchanges with normal people.  I have tried to parse and categorize old age based upon what actually occurs, and like everything else it is complex. Without granularity I have reached three conclusions I can share at the outset, and the first is the bad news that growing old is, without exception, the management (or lack of) of decline.

Older people (this is not chronologically dependent) can then be considered based upon how they are dealing with the mental physical and social decline those progresses at a variety of paces.  The guy toolkit is not very well prepared for this task -- our fathers give us few insights as they age since they are facing the issues for the first time.  My dad gave me some of the bad news, but more about all the funerals he had to attend and issues dealing with an aging spouse.  He was in poor health, so his issues involved the medical care he needed.  He never told me, despite many lengthy conversations, of the forces of decline. He never shared hints as to how he was dealing with it.

Impossible to ignore, like gravity, the forces of decline make multi-tasking an ordeal; first modify and then cripple physical activities that were routine; and risk obliterating any social skills (some of us have few to begin with).  Your scope of activity mental and physical begins to contract and then shrink before you realize it; but most of all you are confronted with the need to choose which of your legacy activities to retain and which to jettison – you cannot do them all.

Yet we try to carry on.  So many older guys keep up their work and exercise and hobby routines no matter the age related difficulty.  They try to keep up the rigors of travel, and the volumes of reading or gardening that they have always accomplished.  After all they have done it for years.  So my second insight is that early on in the aging process is that you must pivot from doing everything you want to do to selecting activities and levels of activity from the deck you are dealt.  Pivot to a careful choice recognizing limited capabilities now and less in the future.  Some are easy (this old guy is not climbing ladders anymore) and some are painful (no more day trips to the shore) in the realization of what is no longer possible. Pivot you must, and there are no guidelines in the guy manual on how to do this.

Failure to pivot to a world of selected activity usually results in a total reset.  Some call it retirement or recovery (from a medical event) but older people inevitable have to reset their lives to a different pace and scale.  This reset could be managed and planned if somebody would tell us how to do it.  The real estate industry seems to market the downsizing of homes, and the warmer climate invite retirees to relocate as part of their reset.  If you are an exercise fanatic you can purchase a condo in an athletic resort in Florida to suit your future needs.  A reset is a big deal, but physically and financially this is the third conclusion -- everyone must plan some sort of reset. You cannot reverse mortgage out of the inevitable decline in everything else

I am comfortable with this decline/pivot/reset conclusion. Now I see others in terms of how they are dealing with these three forces. Not very well, I am afraid; since life brings a few more cards to the deck we are dealt. Foremost is medication and medical treatment.  Older people are consumed with often excessive meds and doctor visits; trapped in a health care system that by its own admission overdoes the testing and treatments and medications.  These old boys are seldom clear headed anymore, so more often than not they let others make choice for them.

The other card that pops up in the deck like the joker you never thought was in there is the death of a spouse.  Not supposed to happen, some of us old guys have a sudden void in all aspects of their lives that is impossible to anticipate. The dog listens well, but leave a bit to be desired in conversations.  You suddenly realize that most of your activity was tailored for two people rather than one.  Going out to a restaurant by you becomes a feed and now a meal.  Going to the movies loses its charm when solo.  Invitations to parties evaporate. Visits (frequent) by single females are just plain weird. My conclusion is that this is the most serious motivation for pivot and reset.

After the medical filter, I look at old guys on how well they face the world by themselves.  I am still working on this one…if you want details ask the dog.